Grief
This year has been a profound journey for me into the depths of grief. At times it has left me feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and weighed down. Societal “norms” seem to lack significant mourning periods; we are expected to move on and function “normally”. Emotional expression is often frowned upon, and as a woman, we can be labeled hysterical or crazy. But being silently strong is more harmful than feeling and healthily expressing emotions.
Grief can manifest in various forms and intensities, evolving and changing over time and with experience. Grief can reshape and remodel us. But, if grief remains unprocessed or unresolved it can haunt us for decades causing disease in the body, mind, and soul.
In Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), all emotions are considered natural, healthy, and an integral part of the human experience. We must learn to feel, explore, process, and alchemize our emotions. Grief is related to the Metal Element, the Lung Organ, and is associated with the Autumn season. Metal is seen as corresponding to the waning phase of life and is associated with our ability to release the old and embrace the new. A healthy balanced Metal Element allows us to experience our grief but prevents us from being trapped by it - making room and opening us to new possibilities with wisdom, acceptance, gratitude, and enchantment. The Metal Element equips us with the ability to form strong yet flexible belief systems and to navigate testing life experiences. However, if Metal is weak, we can feel destabilized by difficulties and will find it hard to connect with the outside world making it harder to release sadness.
Metal supports our ability to communicate and is associated with receiving and transmitting messages. If hindered, we may struggle to express ourselves, making it challenging to discuss our loss and alleviate the painful emotions.
The lungs are responsible for inhaling clean, oxygen-rich air into the body and exhaling air filled with harmful carbon dioxide. They serve as the gatekeeper - accepting the new and releasing the old, symbolizing the constant cycle of life. Every Organ in TCM has a partner organ. One is yin, the other yang and they work together to keep the body in balance. The lungs are yin and their yang partner is the large intestine. The lungs take in the new, and the large intestine releases the waste. Many breathing and bowel disorders are rooted in excess grief and sadness and excessive grieving can lead to disorders of both the lungs and the large intestine. Therefore, our abilities to accept and be open to new experiences, and to let go of things that are painful or harmful are important to both our emotional and physical well-being.
No one is flawless in navigating this journey and these experiences and emotions. However, if we can identify these tendencies within ourselves, we can establish a healthy approach for us to navigate our grief. For me, self-care and community support have been the most valuable tools to help me navigate these emotions. This has looked like - breathwork classes, screaming in my car, crying when the tears wanted to flow, meditating, yoga classes, rage work, hiking, spending time with friends and family, speaking with mentors, and writing.
My intention in writing this piece is to provide reassurance to myself and anyone who stumbles upon this that it is perfectly OK to experience the full range of emotions. As children, most of us were not equipped with the necessary tools to handle our feelings. I hope this piece can serve as a useful resource.
